I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
