That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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