Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
