Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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