i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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