Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just cropdusted the office
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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