can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
