i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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