There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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