last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we're so committed to being not committed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
