I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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