Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
