I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
