i just had sex bonerless
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
