Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
