sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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