i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
