why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
