that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
