I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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