lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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