so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
