I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
