so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
