so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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