If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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