i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
