What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
