How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
