You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
