just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
