You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
