sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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