I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
