Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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