Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
