HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
