..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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