Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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