it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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