Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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