She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
