yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
