...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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