eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
