Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
