You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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