glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
