I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
