It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My first STD was from a foam party
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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